Its really difficult to believe that it has been a full decade to the day since I had my fatality.
As I have stated elsewhere, and to great discussion and scrutiny, it is one of the most graphic, humbling, and traumatic experiences that anyone can go through, to be thrust unwittingly into the final act of a distorted and desperate mind so intent on self destruction.
I don't intend to dwell too long on the particulars of that incident of ten years ago today. The person who stepped in front of my train had their own reasons, motivations, pain and legacy. She left children, a husband, family and friends to deal with the fall out of her final decision. She left an indelible mark upon the lives of perfect strangers. She achieved a bizarre fame really, in that I will carry her with me through the remainder of my time on this earth.
My experience changed me. In some ways for the better. In some ways perhaps not so.
Either way, it shapes part of who I am, and it colours my perceptions and decisions.
One of the few positives to come from the ordeal is that it reaffirms my inner strength, and my conviction in my own ability to manage crisis and navigate through dark and demanding times.
It posed for me a test, and I can take solace in knowing that I passed that test.
Moving on from all of that though, the overridng message has to be aimed at those who see nothing but darkness.
If you feel as though you have nowhere to turn, nobody to talk to, no ear to share your pain with who can possibly hope to understand, you are wrong.
We all have choices. We all have options. We all have decisions to make.
If you are so desperate, that you feel like ending it all, please please PLEASE stop, reflect, and talk to somebody!!
It is not right or fair that you impose your suffering on those who unwittingly will have no choice other than to bear the weight of your suicide;
* The Train/Bus/Tube Driver
* The Emergency Services
* Unwitting Members of the Public who may witness your death
* Your Husband/Wife/Partner
* Your Children
* Your Parents
* Your Friends/Colleagues
When you think there is no way out, focus on the damage you would do to those in the list above, as well as others not included.
For every person above who may be permanently affected by a suicide, there is somebody ready and willing to help you, to talk, to listen, and to support you...
There really IS a choice!!
Spare yourself, and others the rawness of such a final humiliation...talk to someone...any option is better than horrifically ending it all under the wheels of my train....